Glow through what you Grow through

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle

I recently learned of a blind spot and I have to admit, it caught me completely off guard. I pride myself on being a good communicator. I share. I fact check myself. I listen. I validate. I compromise.

If the subject is emotional, I will likely cry, but that is an automatic response that I simply can not curb despite a half-century of effort. Similar to laughing when being tickled, even if you are angry. It is a knee jerk reaction, nothing more. But the tears do not equate to "overemotional" or "histrionic". I maintain calm, a steady tone, and interact from a place of honesty, openness and willingness.

However, it was brought to my attention that while I am a good communicator of my perspective, I don't allow the other side to have the same turn of communication, and often interrupt. I had to take a step back and analyze the observation, and I am embarrassed to report that it is a valid perception. My ex-husband confirmed it, and I have recognized it in myself now in subsequent interactions with coworkers and peers.

It was disheartening, but appreciated. It reminded me of the Glow and Grow activity as a way of reflecting on things that you are proud of and goals that you intend to pursue to continue your evolution. Self-awareness and self-improvement are an eternal ethos, and growth can come from a variety of sources. But I am committed to making the adjustment and correcting the behavior.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know.

But if you listen, you may learn something new.” - Dalai Lama

Without making excuses, I recognize the instinct to correct false, inexact or inaccurate information immediately. I believe it stems from childhood interactions with my father and ex-brother-in-law, as an effort to ensure that we were looking at the situation/circumstance with the same data. They were both often volatile and aggressive, leaving little opportunity for rational discussion of differing viewpoints. Consequently, I developed a maladaptive strategy of trying to maintain control of the discussion and factual accord.

It is worthwhile noting, that the observation came from my father, who has been on his own journey of healing and growth. He has been an incredible support to me before, during and after my treatment. Cruising along on his own personal voyage of introspection, mindfulness, peacefulness and patience. It is remarkable, and incredibly motivational to see a man of 3/4 century thoughtfully learning and adapting their nature.

We are growing closer through our individual practices and study. Connecting on a multitude of levels. Understanding ourselves better through our reflections in one another. Recognizing our flaws and respecting their origin. Making necessary repairs with seems of platinum. Overcoming our defaults and allowing ourselves a new start each day.

It has guided and directed my ongoing relationship restoration with my daughters, both of whom suffered in their own right during my depressive disorder. I have a long way to go to repair the damage done. Thankfully, as with my father, they have embraced my journey, supported my efforts, and remain receptive to new approaches.

Despite being twins, they are quite distinct. They often remind me of the Hard-V and Soft-V palindrome. Almost without exception they land on polar opposite ice caps. It is often a struggle to find compromise and harmony. Yet they are both incredibly insightful, introspective and inspiring. I am blessed to know and learn from them. I remain hopeful that I can continue to make amends, impart lessons learned, and regain their faith.

Heeding my own advice, I have written the blind spot down in my journal, as well as here on my blog, as a reference to recognize and correct it going forward. I embrace it as an opportunity for self-improvement. Furthermore, I set the conscious intention to grow from the self-awareness in order to develop it into a strength through repetition and persistence. I will become an even better communicator, through the practice of listening and self-control. And I will glow in my growth.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” - Epictetus

I hope that you give yourself the opportunity to identify your blind spots, and practice the skills to convert them into strengths. Like our ears and nose, never stop growing, so you can hear the truth and smell the roses better. Stay tuned for the next episode!

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