Inner Child Work – generational healing

“Healing your inner child is a journey of self-discovery, self-love, and reclaiming your power.”

– Unknown

Inner child work is a way to address our needs that were not met as children and heal the attachment wounds we developed in response. Our inner child is a representation of ourselves at multiple points in our childhood, and we can have inner children from various ages persisting within. Reconnecting with our feelings, emotions and thoughts with a childlike lens enables us to better understand our modern-day morals, mannerisms, and mode.

As children, we are incredibly impressionable, readily absorbing what our environments and caretakers teach us and how they treat us. Inner child wounds, or attachment wounds, can occur when there is either a traumatic event or an ongoing upset without repair. For children, this can form from instances of crying out for help but being unheard by an emotionally unavailable caretaker or being shamed by a trusted educator before our peers.

Inner child work is a method of viewing our current behaviors and emotions from the perspective of our younger selves to shed light on our traumas, triggers, regressions, core beliefs, maladaptations, cognitive distortions, etc. The emotional education we received as a child through interactions with our primary caretakers, parents, siblings, family, friends, peers, teachers, religious instructors, bus drivers, nannies, babysitters, pediatricians, doctors, etc., lies dormant in the subconscious, along with our past iterations.

As adults, we carry wounds from our childhood, whether simple or complex trauma, from emotional neglect to physical abuse. Many adults feel alone with their wounds and erringly attempt to cover them up. By listening to our inner child, we can begin to create the safety and security our younger selves have always needed. Learning to love and show up for them differently than our caretakers once did soothes our inner child allowing their positive traits room to shine.

“It’s very important to realize that the inner child is still there, caught in the past.

We have to rescue them.” – Thich Nhat Nanh

Understanding our inner child, we must learn to listen and communicate in their language, which is sensory and somatic based. We can start by first taking ourselves out of the left brain - associated with language, logic, and critical thinking - into the right brain, associated with our emotional expression, intuition, and creativity.

Learning to reparent our inner child begins with:

• acknowledgement and forgiveness of ourselves, for what has happened in our past,

• treating our inner child with kindness and compassion,

• accepting what can’t be changed; and

• understanding that we did our best with the tools and resources available to us at the time.

During treatment, my counselor recommended a book to help me understand the benefits of doing inner child work. “Growing yourself back up – Understanding emotional regression” by John Lee was an extremely helpful read. It offered sage advice for reparenting my younger self by acknowledging and communicating with her more thoughtfully. Whenever I felt her presence or connected dots that helped me understand her better, I would repeat:

“I’m sorry for what you went through. I’m sorry that you were hurt.

I’m sorry that you believed that you were unworthy.

I want you to know that you made the choices you did with the feelings and

limited experience that you had at the time. You did your best with what you knew.

But don’t worry. I’m here now. A new chapter has begun.

I promise to look after us. We’re in this together. I love you.”

Another simple yet incredibly helpful recommendation for reconnecting with my inner child, came from my trainer, who suggested to engage in joyful activities during challenging treatment days. It seemed so outlandish, but I trusted in their expertise. So, I renewed an interest in several games that I often played as a kid, namely hopscotch and street-handball.

The pure joy of recreation in the midst of the intense work, topics and challenges was immeasurably beneficial for my mind, body and spirit. It allowed me to nurture happiness and playfulness, practice mindfulness, be present in the moment, move my body, and release the albatross.

In addition to childhood games, I pursued other interests of my youth, specifically, writing and drawing. Poetry and sketching were hobbies that I enjoyed as a kid. I always felt a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when I created a piece, but never allowed myself permission as an adult. All that changed in treatment.

“Power and creativity result when wounds from the past are healed.”

- Unknown

I found an appreciation for my inner child and created a happy place for her to shine. I know it sounds simple and foolhardy, but honestly, it worked for me. It was the inception for my blog, as well as new prose, artistry and apparel. I hope you will join me in learning to heal your inner child to benefit your journey to mend. Stay tuned for more!

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