Maladaptation – good cope, bad cope

“Don’t let your coping mechanism become your comfort zone.” - Unknown

Coping mechanisms are an integral part of functioning and dealing with life’s problems, but sometimes they can do more harm than good. There are two main classes of coping mechanisms: adaptive and maladaptive. Adaptive coping mechanisms are also known as healthy coping mechanisms, since the behavior works to resolve problems using methods that reduce stress and harm. Maladaptive, or unhealthy, coping mechanisms are behaviors that do not always seek to resolve the problem but are usually attempts to reduce its symptoms in the short-term. These can end up causing harm and increasing stress in the long term.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms are something that many people struggle with on a daily basis, whether they know it or not. Maladaptive coping strategies can be tricky to avoid, since they can tend to feel like they’re helping. However, the relief experienced is only helpful in the short term. Patterns like these give temporary comfort while leading to harm and creating more problems in the long term, which is what makes them unhealthy.

Coping strategies begin in early childhood with psychological and physiological responses to stress. In the first year of life, we begin using coping strategies as we adapt to our interactions with caregivers. Sucking our thumb and looking away provide early examples of self-soothing and regulation behaviors. In the decades that follow, we become more independent and develop a toolkit of coping skills to handling stress. Toddlers move on from crying and looking for physical comfort to seeking help and ways of avoiding stress. Elementary school years begin with the development of more emotional awareness, problem solving and the ability to look at situations differently.

As these approaches continue to develop, by late adolescence, most of us have a range of healthy coping strategies, including ones that are:

• Active – solving problems, looking for appropriate support, planning, and reframing

• Accommodative – adjusting expectations and preferences to suit the situation and reduce stress (e.g., forgiveness and compromise)

• Emotional – regulating emotional responses to stress and difficult situations

• Behavioral – using behavior to manage stress (e.g., going for a walk, taking a deep breath, or talking to a friend)

• Cognitive – mental activities that help manage stress (e.g., thinking about the bigger picture, pleasant images, or the potential benefits of the situation)

Maladaptive strategies often form from a disruption to the typical coping development sequence in response to:

• Overwhelming stress – conflict within the family, financial hardship, death of a loved one, etc.

• Poor treatment – growing up in a violent environment or not being given love and parental support, etc.

• Emotional invalidation – being told your emotions are not reasonable, rational, or valid, etc.
  

While maladaptive coping strategies can develop in childhood, they can also appear later in life in response to extraordinary life events such trauma and abuse.

When confronted with stressful situations that leave us with feelings of anxiety, panic, and extreme stress, we often resort to maladaptive behaviors. For some, it may be relatively harmless – occasional daydreaming or procrastination – for others, it could be self-harm or drug use. Such maladaptive behavior may temporarily relieve stress or anxiety, but the underlying thoughts, fears, and concerns go unresolved. Quick fixes often result in a longer period of psychological upset. Maladaptive coping techniques include:

1. Substance abuse – Consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol, drugs, nicotine.

2. Rumination – Extreme and ongoing focus on negative events and on the implications of them.

3. Emotional numbing – Shutting down feelings to provide relief from stress and anxiety.

4. Escape – Changing behavior to avoid situations and difficult feelings.

5. Intrusive thoughts – Involuntary, unwelcome ideas or thoughts that may be upsetting and difficult to manage.

6. Daydreaming – While occasional daydreaming may result in a loss of focus and delayed task completion, in its extreme, maladaptive daydreaming is a form of addiction that can last for hours at a time.

7. Procrastination – Procrastination can lead to the conscious or unconscious avoidance of difficult issues or tasks that require completion.

8. Self-harm and binge eating – Both can be ways of dealing with difficult feelings and usually need specialist support.

9. Blaming and self-blaming – These form cognitive strategies that affect how an individual relates to difficult circumstances.

10. Disengagement – Under challenging situations, individuals may disengage or reduce the effort in a task or social situation.

11. Risk-taking behavior – A propensity for seeking out risky situations as a means of chaos control.

12. Sensitization – Overly rehearsing a future event, excessive worrying, and hyper-vigilance.

13. Safety behaviors – The tendency to rely on someone or something to help cope with extreme anxiety. The need for continual reassurance that things will be okay.

14. Anxious avoidance – Avoiding situations or events that may cause upset. Unfortunately, this causes the person never to confront their fears or unlearn their faulty beliefs. Removing or avoiding such unpleasant experiences may cause the behavior to worsen.

Long-term use of such coping styles – and there are many others – is unhealthy. Such strategies are associated with high levels of psychological distress, including anxiety and depression. Over time, poor coping tactics can cause ongoing problems, including:

• Reinforcement of fear of particular situations

• Avoiding family and friends to reduce the chance of being put in stressful situations

• Poor social skills creates a failure to develop skills needed for interaction with others and leads to isolation

• Lowered educational and professional achievement due to avoiding interpersonal relationships

• Avoiding difficult conversations, leading to problems being assertive and taking control when needed

• Deteriorating physical and mental health – adopting unhealthy strategies and behaviors will ultimately damage both the mind and body.

While maladaptive coping may initially appear to work, it ultimately increases stress and anxiety and reinforces damaging behavior over time. Thankfully, this behavior can be overcome.

“What doesn’t kill you gives you a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor.” - Unknown

During my time in treatment while working within the Trauma group, I came to understand many of the maladaptive coping strategies that I had become reliant upon. I scored off the charts in Self-Blaming and Substance Abuse (nicotine), with a four-way tie of Rumination, Intrusive Thoughts, Procrastination and Binging. It became necessary to understand the root causes of each in order to confront the underlying thoughts and fears.  In order to stop the cycle of repeating my mistakes, I first had to be corrigible, and learn from them with grace.

Self-compassion releases oxytocin, a feel-good neurotransmitter that reduces distress, increases feelings of safety, and helps us form more positive neuropathways and connections. A particularly useful approach that our counselors encouraged was writing ourselves a Letter of Self-Compassion. By capturing how unworthy we felt and then viewing it with unconditional love, enabled us to challenge ourselves. When we compared our inner dialogue to how we would console a friend, the damage and irrationality became clear. Approaching challenges with openness leads to improved handling of stress, finding novel solutions to existing problems, and an increased ability to cope.

Interrupting or breaking the cycle of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) as they appear can help stop panic from spiraling and the domino effect of negative thoughts becoming reality. Repeating positive statements promotes a new perspective which can diminish the automation of negative thoughts to come.

Coping mechanisms are processes developed to help survive the difficulties of life. They can be helpful as often as they can be harmful, so it’s important to learn the patterns and redirect those that may end up being hurtful long-term.

“All coping mechanisms are proof of your resilience.” - Unknown

Replacing unhealthy coping habits with healthier coping skills takes time. These are long-lived hard-fought survival techniques. Thankfully, there are many ways to release stress before resorting to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Here are some examples of ways to address stressful situations in a healthy way:

• Physical exercise - being active and exercising regularly is an excellent way to relieve stress and anxiety.

• Talking it out with someone - friends or family members can help create a solid support system. Reaching out and staying connected to others can be helpful in managing stress.

• Mindfulness or meditation - self-reflection can help you move through difficult emotions like anger or sadness instead of trying to shut them out, which allows them to pass through you rather than build up over time.

• Hobbies or fun activities - getting involved in something that brings joy, happiness and peace can be a great outlet for relieving stress.

• Facing the issue – take time to assess the source of the problem. Once the source is identified it becomes easier to find ways to overcome it, both in the long and short term.

• Discovering triggers - when faced with difficult feelings, finding out what triggers them is one of the best ways to help regulate them and/or avoid situations that set them off.

• Seeking help - sometimes what we are facing may be too much to figure out alone. Finding a good therapist or psychiatrist can be extremely beneficial for learning to understand and process emotions.

Creating a solid foundation of healthy coping skills allows us to live life on life’s terms. To engage in stressful situations which are a natural, inevitable, and essential part of life that encourage us to learn, evolve and respond with more resilience and tenacity.

Maladaptive coping strategies are not only unhelpful, but they also negatively impact our mental wellbeing. Survival, defense and coping mechanisms develop as a result of our life experiences. They often outlive their usefulness and take on lives of their own for how we view, interpret and experience the world. But it’s never too late to address the patterns that are hurting rather than helping, and change them.

I hope you will join me in replacing the maladaptive coping strategies of your past with more beneficial and adaptive coping mechanisms for your future.  Stay tuned for more!

Sign up for my newsletter to get more content like this delivered straight to your inbox! Subscribe  

I'd love to hear from you! Please leave any questions, comments, or insights in the comments section below.