The Mirror is Brutal: Seeing Yourself With New Eyes

Healing gives you clarity. Clarity gives you nausea.

Here’s the part no one warns you about: healing means seeing yourself. Not just the glossy version you post about. Not just the victim of your circumstances. Not just the one who survived.

But also the one who manipulated. The one who avoided. The one who lashed out. The one who stayed too long, or left too soon. The one who thought she was being honest but was actually just afraid.

This mirror doesn’t come with soft lighting or flattering filters. It’s fluorescent. It's up-close. It's unforgiving. And it shows you everything: the ways you defended yourself with sharpness instead of softness. The people you hurt while trying to feel safe. The patterns you repeated even after you knew better.

It’s humbling. It’s horrifying. And it’s necessary.

Because healing isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about getting honest. Not just about what happened to you, but about what you did with your pain. And that’s the part most people skip. Because self-awareness without self-compassion can feel like self-flagellation.

But here’s what I’ve learned: you can hold yourself accountable without hating yourself. You can recognize your flaws without shrinking under them. You can cringe, and still be kind.

The person you were wasn’t evil. She was in survival mode. And yes, maybe she made a mess of some things. But she also got you here.

The goal isn’t to banish her. It’s to understand her. To take the reins without throwing her out of the carriage. To be the grown-up she needed.

So when I say the mirror is brutal, I mean it. But I also mean this: you can survive what you see. You can witness the whole of who you’ve been and still choose who you want to become.

And one day, when you look in that mirror again, you’ll see not just what was, but what’s possible.

Check out the next chapter of my journey, a new blog called Mentally Stable-ish™. It tells the hard truths and hilarity of hormones and hot flashes with humor and honesty. A sweaty and sarcastic, survival guide to menopause, motherhood and midlife mayhem in the modern era.

I'd love to hear from you! Please leave any questions, comments, or insights in the comments section below.