Unraveling (Again)

I thought I was done unraveling. Turns out, I was just in a rest period.

There’s a particular heartbreak that comes with unraveling after you thought you were past all that. You start to believe in your own progress. You’re doing the work, applying the tools, making healthier choices. You even feel a little smug: Look at me, regulating my emotions like a functioning adult!

And then: boom. Something small but sharp slices through your new layer of calm. A comment, a memory, a smell, a shift in someone’s tone and suddenly, you’re spinning again. The spiral begins.

Not a full regression. But not nothing, either.

You try to rationalize it: I’m tired. It’s hormonal. Mercury is in retrograde. And maybe all of that is true. But also? You’re unraveling. Again.

And it sucks.

It sucks because you thought you were past this part. It sucks because you worked so damn hard to build something stable. And it really sucks because you know better now, which only adds a layer of shame to the unraveling.

But here’s what I’ve learned, slowly and stubbornly: healing is a spiral, not a staircase. You don’t graduate from your wounds. You revisit them. Hopefully from a higher level of awareness, with more grace and better boundaries. But yeah, you still revisit them.

You circle back to the same feelings with new eyes. You uncover another layer you weren’t ready to face before. You get triggered by the thing you thought you’d healed, and you realize healing isn’t always a straight path. It’s a loop with detours, pit stops, and the occasional emotional pothole.

And that doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means you’re human.

It means your body and brain are still catching up to the life you’re trying to live. It means your nervous system is still learning how to feel safe. It means the old patterns still have muscle memory, but you’re not reacting the same way anymore. And that’s something.

The unraveling doesn’t mean you’re broken again. It means something unresolved is asking to be seen again.

So now, when it happens - and it will happen - I try to greet it like an old, annoying friend. Oh, you again? Fine. Take a seat. Let's talk.

I let myself cry. I journal until I feel ridiculous. I take the walk. I ignore the impulse to numb it with something easy. And when I can’t do any of that, I go to bed early and try again tomorrow.

Because healing doesn’t mean never unraveling. It means knowing how to weave yourself back together. Faster. Gentler. With more compassion and fewer conditions.

So if you're unraveling again, let me say this clearly:

You’re not back at square one. You’re just spiraling upward - messy, magnificent, and still moving.

Check out the next chapter of my journey, a new blog called Mentally Stable-ish™. It tells the hard truths and hilarity of hormones and hot flashes with humor and honesty. A sweaty and sarcastic, survival guide to menopause, motherhood and midlife mayhem in the modern era.

I'd love to hear from you! Please leave any questions, comments, or insights in the comments section below.