Life - just a series of problems

How we navigate the rough patches often defines who we become.

Recently, I had a conversation with my therapist about how life can sometimes feel like it’s just one problem after another. Without hesitation, and in a very matter of fact tone, she said “Life is just a series of problems, Vanessa. One, then the next, and the next - until we die.”

Ouch! Sewerslide much? From my facial expression she deduced that her observation left me feeling extremely despondent. So she attempted to reframe the view in a more encouraging way: “That’s not meant to be grim. It’s just reality. But what defines us isn’t the problems themselves. It’s how we meet them.”

Damn Doc! That shit’s deep! It made me think about how I have historically dealt with life’s problems. Did I lean into them, or did I avoid them? More often than not, I have avoided them, which often creates it’s own set of problems.

We all develop patterns in the way we deal with challenges - some helpful, some not. This isn’t about labeling those patterns as good or bad. It’s about understanding them, owning them, and deciding which ones truly serve the person we want to become.

1. Avoidance: Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

Example: A person who puts off an awkward conversation with a friend, hoping the tension will fade.

• Pro: Temporary peace, no immediate conflict.

• Con: The relationship drifts, resentment builds, and eventually it breaks under the pressure of what was never said.

Takeaway: Avoidance might save us discomfort now, but it often costs us more later.

2. Overthinking: Paralysis by Analysis

Example: Someone offered a new job but spends weeks agonizing over what-ifs (e.g. what if they hate it, what if they don’t do well, what if….?)

• Pro: They’re being careful, considering all sides.

• Con: They miss the window. The job goes to someone else. They're left wondering “what if?” in a different way.

Takeaway: Overthinking can feel like due dilligence - but sometimes it’s just fear in disguise.

3. Proactive Problem Solving: Action with Intention

Example: A person facing debt sits down, creates a budget, talks to a financial advisor, and picks up a side hustle.

• Pro: They gain traction, reduce anxiety, and build a path forward.

• Con: It’s emotionally draining. Friends may not understand the strain. The grind is real.

Takeaway: Being proactive is powerful - but it doesn’t mean it's easy.

4. Emotional Processing First: Feeling Before Fixing

Example: After a breakup, someone allows themselves to grieve, journal, cry, and talk it out before making big decisions about what comes next.

• Pro: They heal deeply and avoid rebound decisions.

• Con: They might delay progress or feel stuck in their emotions for a while.

Takeaway: Feeling before fixing can be wise, but you have to be mindful not to dwell too long.

How you approach your problems says something about who you are - and even more about who you’re becoming. The point is to understand our tendencies and how well they serve us. Do you tend to avoid, overthink, react, or process? The truth is, we all do a little of each. But the power lies in awareness. When you can see your pattern, you can shape it.

Ask yourself:

• What is this challenge calling me to become?

• Is my approach helping me grow - or just helping me cope?

• What would it look like to respond with more intention?

It’s important to note that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a valuable part of problem-solving. Friends, family, or mentors can offer different perspectives and support, making it easier to find solutions. Sharing our experiences and struggles can foster connections and remind us that we are not alone in our journey. In this way, we build a community that helps us tackle life’s hurdles together, turning challenges into shared experiences and learning opportunities.

Ultimately, the act of solving problems is what gives life its meaning. It shapes our identities, builds character, and influences how we perceive the world. As we face difficulties, we learn to identify our values and priorities. Each challenge helps us clarify what truly matters to us, guiding our decisions and actions.

Thankfully, most of life’s struggles are temporary. But the reality is that problems won’t stop coming. Nevertheless, it’s helpful to remember that a “full life” wouldn’t exist if we could eliminate all our problems. The goal is to learn from them, lean into them, and keep becoming – one step, one challenge, one choice at a time. Because when you choose how you meet them, they might just turn into the very things that shape your best self.

Sign up for my newsletter to get more content like this delivered straight to your inbox! Subscribe  

I'd love to hear from you! Please leave any questions, comments, or insights in the comments section below.