Communication styles

Everyone can talk, but few can communicate.

Communication styles vary greatly around the world, influenced by culture, traditions, and social norms. Every communication style has its strengths and weaknesses that shape our interactions. By understanding the pros and cons of each style, individuals can improve their communication skills, fostering deeper connections while maintaining their well-being. It is important to understand that we are all individuals with unique perceptions and perspectives. For effective communication to thrive we need to be able to listen as much, if not more than we speak in order to strike a balance between the message, the delivery and the audience.

I've come to realize that in Puerto Rico, there is often a unique mix of warmth and formality in communication. Greetings are long and sincere, reflecting a deep sense of hospitality. Conversations can include many pleasantries before getting to the main point. Punctuality and duration might feel less rigid, with emphasis placed on building relationships first. The warmth radiates through their conversation, as they love to laugh and joke while talking. Conversing in this way encourages listeners to pay close attention to tone and body language, making communication a graceful dance of understanding instead of just exchanging words.

While in stark contrast, in the United States, communication is typically more direct and condensed. People often express their thoughts and opinions openly, valuing honesty and clarity. Direct and succinct are the aim. This straightforwardness is seen as a sign of confidence and respect. Value is placed on brevity in order to avoid the nuanced variables that can lead to misunderstanding. However, it can sometimes come off as blunt or even rude to individuals from more indirect cultures.

It is a struggle for me as a New Yorker living in Puerto Rico. The people here are accustomed to indirect and inferred expression, so much so that clear communication sounds aggressive. In addition, there is an inherent machismo culture that underlies all aspects of exchange that I regularly grapple with. At my age, I am often the elder in business interactions, and yet I am regarded as a dilettante. But perhaps the biggest communication issue I have encountered is that most people here don't listen to understand, they listen to reply. Interjecting in reaction to each sentence is commonplace and is not viewed as a lack of respect, but rather a norm of the trade of information.

In most modern cultures, there are 5 primary forms of communication: assertive, passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and empathetic.

Assertive communication is often clear and confident, making ones needs known without being pushy. This style fosters respect and honest dialogue, ensuring that everyone's voice is heard. However, the downside can be perceived as aggression, especially if the message is delivered too forcefully or in the wrong audience.

On the other hand, passive communicators tend to avoid conflict and prioritize others' opinions over their own. This kindness can create a peaceful atmosphere, where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts. However, it often leads to frustration, as passive communicators often feel overlooked or unheard.

Then there are aggressive communicators, who often dominate conversations and express their feelings loudly. While this approach can lead to quick resolutions, it often breeds hostility and resentment among others. People may feel intimidated or unheard, which can ultimately damage relationships.

Passive-aggressive communicators may express their feelings indirectly, using sarcasm or subtle jabs instead of directly addressing issues. This style can lead to misunderstandings and confusion since the true message is often buried beneath layers of subtext. While it may seem like a clever way to avoid confrontation, it often leaves others frustrated.

Finally, we have the empathetic communicators, who strive to understand others’ feelings. This style builds stronger connections, as people feel valued and supported. However, empathetic communicators must be careful not to absorb too much negativity from others, leading to emotional burnout.

In each case, there is a delicate equilibrium.

It’s essential to balance assertiveness with sensitivity, ensuring that communication remains effective while building positive relationships.

Finding a middle ground is crucial for passives, as they must recognize that voicing their concerns is just as important for fostering meaningful connections, in order to build enduring accord.

To improve interactions, aggressive communicators need to work on listening to others, allowing for a more balanced exchange of ideas. A more respectful approach can lead to better collaboration and mutual understanding that benefits all.

In the case of passive-aggressive communicators, open and honest communication is far more effective, allowing for clarity and the resolution of underlying tensions that would otherwise fester just beneath the surface.

While balancing empathy with self-care is essential to prevent becoming overwhelmed.

I have a bit of each in my communication wheelhouse, although historically, I have relied most readily on agressive. However, since my return from treatment, I have continued to work on building a more balanced platform. Being assertive, yet empathetic. Passive when necessary, yet steadfast when needed. And passive-agressive in my humor, as sarcasm is my default language.

As with all aspects of my recovery, the goal is progress, not perfection. Learning to balance the message, with a delivery that is mindful of the audience, remains an ongoing pursuit. There is still a great deal of work that I must continue to do, particularly here in Puerto Rico, in order to reach an equilibrium that feels more honest and comfortable. While I would probably do better if there where such a thing as a Siri for communication, I will simply have to take ownership, for the benefit of all my exchanges.

I encourage you to reflect on your communication style. While we each may have a default, it does not mean that it is fixed. Just as we learn to adapt to cultures and climates, we can learn to adjust our conversations and communication. And perhaps, listening more than you speak can create space for deeper connections and understanding. Surely, we would all benefit from that!

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