Distress Tolerance – Self-love

“What you are is what you have been.  What you’ll be is what you do now.” – Buddha

We are all the sum of every single experience that exists in our past. It is what has shaped us, made us grow, or even gotten us stuck. We all got to be where and who we are today based on where and who we used to be. However, we are not our past. Yes, it has shaped us, but at any given moment we are different than how we used to be.

Here, the words of the Buddha suggest that with every new encounter, every new experience, and every new reaction, we are changing and growing – for better or worse. We are ever evolving. And since decisions are only ever made in the present, change also only happens in the present. At any point in time, we have the power to choose how we change.

We arrived to this life raw and unformed, with infinite potential. And with each new experience we evolved. Adapting and growing, changing and diversifying, surviving and thriving. Each step a testament to the complexity and fortitude of our beings. Pushed forward by the relentless march of time, we stand here today, the pinnacle of evolution. A product of years of progress forging ahead, as our evolution continues.

While in treatment, I was in constant state of flux. Minute by minute. To help navigate and advance rather than regress I practiced DBT skills to address Distress Tolerance (self-love) which included Radical Acceptance and Pros/Cons.

The peacefulness practice of Radical Acceptance is a DBT skill to help prevent pain from turning into suffering. We have the power to choose whether or not to languish. It is a reminder to accept reality instead of fighting against it. Recognizing that some parts of life are outside of our control and struggling against them only leads to further rotting. It applies to the ‘acceptance’ of many difficulties, but is not to be confused with ‘approval.’ 

“Pain is certain, suffering is optional.” – Buddha

A helpful acronym that I created to remind myself to practice Radical Acceptance was: WIFI.

WIFI

What’s done is done

It is what it is

Forgive not forget

I cannot control everything

Pros/Cons is another helpful DBT skill for managing Distress Tolerance that is exactly what you think. Weigh the benefits and drawbacks to acting on your urges and or reactions. It is a way to help reprogram your maladaptive coping skills. While it appears so elementary and primitive, it’s actually quite helpful to write things down, not just for the big decisions in life, but the little one’s as well.  

Personally, I have a terrible tendency to procrastinate, which impacts my day to day and causes me great distress when the clock runs out. If I set an intention to do x/y/z by such date/time, it helps me to hold myself accountable by writing down the pros and cons of coping vs not coping.

Pros/Cons of Procrastinating on Doing Laundry

Distress Tolerance skills are a way to help you change the way you feel and react during difficult times. They are important techniques to practice before chaos ensues. The foundation for Distress Tolerance is best implied with the Serenity Prayer:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I encourage you to honor the ancestry of your odyssey but remain a pioneer in the grand journey of your life. Live life on life’s terms but don’t get stuck on the tracks of the past, mindlessly revolving in a daze of old. Blaze a new trail through trial and error and take time to marvel at the person you’ve become. The pilgrimage of this campaign has seen countless storms, and you’ve weathered each and every one.

I hope you will join me in learning to use new skills and strategies to tolerate distress with a little self-love in order to advance our personal evolution toward a more fulfilling life.

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