Personal Responsibility – life is what you make it

“Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Personal responsibility is a fundamental aspect of good mental health and wellbeing, because it’s about taking ownership of your self-development by understanding and working through the things that you have direct control over and making the conscious decision to do better every day. Personal responsibility reminds us that the things we do, say, and feel, are all in our direct control – and they are all that we have direct control over. Taking personal responsibility allows us to move from Victim to Empowered so that we can create our life, not react to our life.

The 12 Steps of Personal Responsibility are:

1. Take responsibility for your life – your life is yours and yours alone. The choices you make are what make a life unique and meaningful. No one else can hold that power unless you allow them to.

2. Your thoughts are yours – not everyone else has the same thoughts as you. But your thoughts are not facts. So, you have the power to change them.

3. Your feelings are yours – your feelings are a result of your thoughts. If you think negatively about yourself / others / situations, you will feel negatively about yourself / others / situations.

4. Your words come from your mouth, in your voice and words can cut deep – apologizing after the fact does not take the hurt away. Be careful of how you talk about yourself / others / situations.

5. Your actions are taken by you – your actions can hurt you and others. No one else can make you do anything that you do not want to. You have the choice to do what’s right for you.

6. Your reactions are your own – your reaction is entirely your choice. We often say things like, “You made me angry,” when in fact nobody can actually make you feel anger; rather, it is you who chooses to be angry.

7. Stop blaming – accept responsibility for your part in whatever happened, instead of looking to assign blame.* When you stop blaming, you move from being victim to being empowered.

8. Stop complaining – you have no control over the universe. Focusing on the negative, playing the victim, whining about things happening to you, removes your responsibility in having a choice for how you respond.

9. Stop taking everything so personally – not everything is about you. The world does not revolve around you. You cannot control others. You only have control over how you respond.

10. Make your own happiness – being happy is a choice. Happiness is an inside job, not the responsibility of others. You create your own happiness, not by having what you want, but by wanting what you have.

11. Live in the present – being present in your own life and choosing to focus on the here and now, allows you to release the baggage of yesterday, and the anxiety of tomorrow.

12. Look for the good – don’t judge others or make assumptions. Treat others the way you want to be treated and treat yourself the way you want to be treated.

*Let me be clear, sometimes things happen to us that are completely out of our control, like having physical or emotional harm inflicted on us by other people, and by no means am I blaming victims for those serious issues.

I adopted these steps while undergoing treatment and continue to work with and refer to them in recovery. They were adjustments I desperately needed to make due to the many things in my life that I did not necessarily choose which were creating challenges, such as acquired habits and thinking from the influential people in my life. Nevertheless, while they may not have been any fault of my own as a child, as an adult they are my responsibility.

I looked at these tips as my own personal mental health 12 steps. Given the fact that many of my peers were battling addiction, I took it as a once in a lifetime opportunity to stop smoking, for once and for all. It certainly wasn’t my first time – I think I have tried about 35 times in as many years, but I was never fully committed to it before (apart from during pregnancy and breast feeding). I quit smoking while in rehab, a crazy decision to be sure, given the difficulties of the topics addressed, traumas revisited, and struggles faced.

But bearing the steps in mind and a new regard for the freedom afforded by taking personal responsibility, I fully committed to my choice to change, and recently celebrated 150 days. Now, I’m not saying that just choosing to stop any sort of behavior will do the trick, because it won’t. It takes a lot of work, time and, particularly with cases of substance abuse and mental illness, professional support. But it all starts with taking personal responsibility and making the decision to change.

Taking personal responsibility will ultimately provide you with more confidence and positive self-regard. We can shape our world and all it requires is to be mindful of our feelings, words and actions to enable self-limiting beliefs to begin to fade, and the realization that the only thing that has ever been holding you back from doing the things you want to do, being the person you want to be, and living the life you want to live – is you. That is where your real power lies.

Accountability is all about accepting and embracing the concept that all you have direct control over is your words, your actions and your feelings. How you interact with the world around you will directly shape your own world. Let go of things that are out of your control, and instead choose every day to make decisions that are in the best interests of your mental health and wellbeing, because you – and only you – are accountable for the outcome of the decisions you make.

I hope you will join me in owning your personal responsibility in creating the life you want and achieving freedom. Stay tuned for more!

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