Tropical Mental Health Hacks

(That Definitely Shouldn’t Work, But Kind of Do)

Living in paradise while trying to hold together your mental health is a little like trying to meditate on a trampoline: theoretically possible, but wildly unstable. You’re in the land of turquoise water, endless sunshine, and soul-scorching humidity. What could go wrong?

Everything. Everything could go wrong.

But don’t worry - I’ve compiled a list of deeply suspect, questionably effective mental health strategies that have kept me (barely) upright through roosters, bureaucracy, and teens who think I’m a human Wi-Fi router.

Let’s begin.

1. Cry in the ocean.

Pro move: no one can tell. You look ethereal, mysterious, possibly haunted, but make it beachy. Plus, saltwater is free therapy with exfoliating benefits.

2. Assign names to local animals and treat them like coworkers.

Lizard under the fridge? That’s Steve. We have an unspoken agreement. Rooster that screams at 2 a.m.? Brenda, in HR, always stirring up drama.

3. Keep one bra in the freezer.

No one tells you how mentally stabilizing a cold bra can be in 100% humidity. Try it. Thank me later.

4. Turn mosquito bites into a mindfulness practice.

Feel the itch. Breathe through it. Accept that you are now part of the food chain. Consider it your blood sacrifice to the tropics.

5. Use sarcasm to hide your relief.

That thing where you say “Oh, darnit kids, the electricity went out just as I was about to make those TikTok egg flights. Guess we'll have to try another day." Phew, that was lucky.

6. Make a list of people you would punch if there were no consequences.

Don't act on it. Just make the list. Keep it in a waterproof journal. Add doodles. It’s deeply satisfying.

7. Buy candles. Not for ambiance - for power outages and sanity.

When the power goes out, again, you light one and pretend you're having a "restorative spa night" instead of slowly losing your mind.

8. Shower fully clothed on really bad days.

It’s weird. It’s effective. You cry, you cool down, you emerge like a soggy phoenix reborn in mismatched pajamas.

9. Replace “I’m spiraling” with “I’m tropical problem-solving.”

Rebranding is key. Are you melting down in your car? Or just embracing a heat-powered emotional detox?

10. Lower expectations until they are subterranean.

You made it through the day and remembered to eat something green? Medal of honor. Didn’t scream at anyone? National holiday.

11. Befriend the checkout clerk. She is now your life coach.

She knows the gossip. She’s seen it all. She will give you plantain chips and tell you, “No te rindas, mami.” Do not underestimate this power.

12. Eat snacks aggressively.

There’s no guilt in emotional eating if you do it with conviction. Mango slices, popcorn, peanut butter straight from the jar - it’s self-care, baby.

13. Text someone from “home” a totally unhinged meme.

If they get it, keep them. If not, you’ve at least reminded someone that you still exist in this sweaty corner of the universe.

14. Count your wins like you’re on a game show.

“Did I go outside today? Ding ding ding!”

“Did I stop doomscrolling before midnight? Bonus round!”

“Did I go to DMV without crying? GRAND PRIZE!”

15. Let yourself be ridiculous.

Healing is not always quiet or pretty. Sometimes it’s dancing in your living room with sea salt in your hair and laundry you’ve ignored for three days. That counts. That’s progress.

Mental health recovery in paradise is still recovery. The scenery just comes with more bugs and passive-aggressive sunshine. But you’re doing it. However weird, sweaty, or snack-fueled it may be - you’re still here.

And honestly? That’s kind of heroic.

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